Last week a family with a little toddler came to visit us at our home. Since we keep our computer out in the living room area, he immediately saw an opportunity to play. He climbed up on the chair, very naturally put his hand on the mouse, and started maneuvering the pointer on the monitor screen. He was only two years old!

The computer is practically second nature for our children. Not only are the schools encouraging the use of computers at a young age, our children are using technology in all aspects of life, from picture sharing and instant messaging, to entertainment and reading news updates.

If you are a parent of children and teens today, you are faced with a challenge that is unique to this generation. You are raising children in an age of technology, requiring parenting skills that previous generations have not had to deal with.

Would you agree that the influence of the computer and the internet will increase more and more? As computer technology and its applications continue to expand into all areas of our daily lives, parents need to develop skills to parent our children effectively in this culture.

Here are three principles to guide us in raising our children in the age of computers:

1. Use the computer as a valuable tool.
Many parents ask me, "How can I get my kids off the computer?" My response is, "Are you sure that's what you really want to do?"

Remember, this is the age of technology. Our children will use the computer, whether we like it or not. You can be sure that when they go to college, our children will have unlimited access to the computer.

Rather than thinking of the computer as a necessary evil to contend with, we need to think of the computer and the internet as a useful tool, much like an automobile or a television. As with any tool, we give our children instructions on the proper ways to use it, what it should and should not be used for, and how to avoid dangers when using it. Our goals are to teach our children to maximize the best use of the computer and to use it properly.

When we clarify our parenting role in this way, we realize the extent of our responsibility. We are not merely a policeman enforcing a set of rules on our children. With our guidance, our children learn to apply moral values and use the computer responsibly.

2. Use the computer yourself.
I was very hesitant to get on the computer, but my son is the one who helped me to overcome my fear: "You can't break it mom!" 

Even though we may not be naturally inclined on the computer, it is not too late to learn. Through social networking sites such as the popular Facebook.com and Twitter.com, I've connected with friends living in different states and with relatives that I don't usually talk to. Even my 85-year-old father is learning to enjoy the use of the computer for many functions - email, picture sharing, reading the news, iTunes music (classical music that is!), etc.

As parents, we cannot afford to maintain a hands-off attitude about the computer. The more we use it ourselves, the better we are equipped to guide our children in their use.

3. Use the computer as a way to connect with our children.
My son talks about Maple Story, or my daughter talks about blogging on Xanga; if I have to ask them what that means, what would be their perception of me as their mother? I would be grouped with the dinosaurs in their eyes! If I don't understand their world, and don't even speak their language, the proverbial communication gap and generation gap widens.

Here is what I do to use the computer as a way to connect with my children: While they are on the computer (the computer should always be in an open area, never in their rooms), I glance at the websites they are on and write down the website addresses (I have a bad memory). Later I go onto those websites and find out as much as I can about those sites. Open an account if needed, and play around with it just like my children would do. If it's a computer game, play a few rounds and try to get a high score. At dinner time or while driving in the car, I would open the conversation with something like, "What is your favorite game on Neopets? Guess how many Neopoints I got?" Now I am able to share their interests and we have something in common. This also gives me an opening to talk about potential problems of spending too much time playing on the computer.

You are probably thinking, "I don't have the time or the desire to play games on the computer!"  As I stated at the beginning, this is new territory for us as parents in the age of the internet. We cannot rely on internet filters or spyware to do our job as a parent. Being a parent has always required us to get personally involved, pay close attention, and take the lead in guiding our children. We simply need to transfer that energy to computers and the world-wide-web.


Katy Lee is helping with the parenting ministry at Presence. There is much more to be said about parenting children in the age of the computer. If you would like Katy to speak more on this subject or other parenting issues at your church, please contact Presence. Visit Katy's parenting website at www.AdventuresInParenting.org.